Plan a Day without Any Plans

Since the early morning of May 23, when I got up with a sense of spinning and I actually could not move due to the terrible dizziness, my life like used to be the one of wide-ranging fish has been completely changed.


I was sentenced by a doctor “absolute bed rest” on 5/23 at a hospital and I could not really move for the next week.  In the second week, I managed to go to office but it was not really productive because of the dizziness.  This is just a running joke but a few seconds after the doctor sentenced me “absolute bed rest”, I tried to convince her that I would be totally fine to go to a flamenco cante concert that my husband bought me a ticket and we were planning to go there in that evening.  I tried three times before I left the medical examination room but, of course, I could not convince her but made her angry!


As I never ever had any chance to come across the word “complete rest” in my life, looking back a month ago, it was really frustrating on the very first day.  Of course, I could not physically move due to the sickness but I COULD THINK.  Therefore, I used iPad Mini and started to read/send e-mails of the work place and to browsing many things.


On the following day, I had to go to the same hospital for further medical examination but I felt like I want to do something as I have plenty of time at home or a nearby café.  Then I gradually realized that I really cannot move as I got really sick and terribly tired after walking in a few minutes.  “Ah, this is why I was sentenced to stay on bed all day.”  I finally realized the situation.


 “I cannot move regardless of my will!”


When I found out this simple thing, I was able to decide to stay on bed as it was like my duty.  Strangely enough, I could sleep almost all day without thinking anything.  This disease is intractable and I have to accept to live with it throughout my life with some kind of a course of physiotherapy.  Now, I really have to accept slowing down my work and hobby.  On appearance, people see that I was back to normal but I constantly feel spinning.


When I open my diary and find out that there are some days without any schedule, I feel uneasy because, for the past 15 years, my calendar was filled with so many things for the next month or two.  Now, I have to transform myself to consult with my body before deciding to mark my calendar: this is for me a whole different personally than before!!  It’s just a big challenge for me.


Wait for my updated report on this in the future!



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